I’m showered, dressed and my hair is done. to leave the house I should probably stop crying.
just e-mailed W saying that when he doesn’t call or pick up the phone, it’s b/c he’s pi$$y; when other people do this, they might be just too weak and in too much pain.
why can’t I just accept that he’s going to keep playing his aggressive helplessness, no matter what? whenever things get bad, he can’t handle it. why in my life do people I’ve helped avoid helping me by becoming “overwhelmed” on the rare times I ask? how the freak hard is it to help me structure some paperwork, when I can’t see straight? I save his @$$ by pointing out he could lose his license for continuing certain cases, and prodding him to return the client’s money and withdraw. but he can’t find furniture for the room I rented that’s giving him a huge tax break? (ha, talk about something for which he could lose his license.) he wants all the benefits and isn’t doing a bloody thing to keep his golden donkey alive. I give him good-sized cases and do the literature research for them and pay promptly, and he feels the time he spent working is a contribution to the relationship? how stupid am I?
at least, I got him to xfer ‘his’ cemetery plot back to me. he’d pushed me to buy the plots a few years ago. he didn’t want to be buried with his family and only have a 25-year slot. so I bought the three lots open next to the ones my father owns, figuring a sibling might want to buy one later. when the deeds were being made out, I asked which lot he wanted. he chose the one in the middle ’so he’d be next to me’ (gag – that’s his idea of charming). it was something he wanted so much, but he never said thank you. until 6 months ago when I berated him for taking it for granted. I let him believe I would help him buy his own plot, since they’re only for residents/former residents. then I told him the sexton said he’d have to do that in person. whatever – if W goes there, my father will ’sponsor’ him for a plot.
